i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
