started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
