"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize