i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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