So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
