i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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