She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
