i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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