Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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