Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Blood and glitter go together right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone signed my nipple.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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