You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
