Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
