at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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