So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
