okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
