I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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