I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Randomize
