dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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