Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
