in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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