My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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