I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
