I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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