Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
