is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
