You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
