There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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