you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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