Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
