Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
