I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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