Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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