just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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