I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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