Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
