I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
