Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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