Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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