and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
