I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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