Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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