do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
