i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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