Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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