It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
