something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
