im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think brook has ever known best
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
