If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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