MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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