I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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