When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
