Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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