I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
