Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
