feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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