did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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