I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize